BTPT: Bizarre theories and pointless technologies. #Air conditioned #shoes, exhaust #grill and caffeinated #apples

By Rebecca Northfield

Summer is on its way, and that means the sun will have its hat on, more or less. Here are a couple of technologies that have been inspired by great things designed to make the summer heat easier, and more enjoyable.

Happy happy sunshine.

When I say inspired, I mean thinking of the stupidest thing you can do with the technology available to you.

Air conditioned shoes

The Hydro-Tech Cool Breeze shoes from the Far East are designed to keep your feet cool whilst you’re at work on a hot day. Because everybody worries how hot their feet are at work. As long as they don’t whiff, I don’t see how it could be a problem. You rarely hear anyone say: “My feet are unbearably hot! It’s so uncomfortable. I can’t work like this.”

11 Nov 2006, Berkeley, California, USA --- Jogger Splashing Through Mud While Trail Running --- Image by © Corey Rich/Aurora Photos/Corbis
Because cool feet are important.

The shoe system works by a patented filter technology, which extracts the hot air your tootsies create and fills your shoes with smell-free fresh air, using a micro-fan system. This ensures your feet are constantly conditioned, regardless of the length of time your shoes are on. Breezy.

However, what if it rained? English summers are notorious for changing at the flick of a switch. Are your feet going to get wet if the weather decides to not play nice? That would be the worst on a humid summer day. Warm, wet feet.

If this product reaches us, it’ll be another thing to complain about. The sweltering heat, the sun shining in your eyes, how hot your feet are without your cooling shoes.

Give me strength.

You can get a pair here, if you can read Japanese. Enjoy!

Exhaust grills that cooks burgers with smoke heat

The Exhaust Burger was a concept back in 2008, and has resurfaced on the internet recently. For no good reason.

pork steak
The right sort of grill.

Why would you ever trust a mechanism that is in very close proximity to carbon monoxide fumes and general nastiness from your car exhaust?

A team in Iran designed the Exhaust Burger for a competition, and described it as a way to ‘prove how concerned you are about the environment.’

If this ever becomes a consumer product, I will give up on the human race.

Caffeinated apple

Have you ever been at work and are so tired you don’t know which way is up? Why not grab an apple? No, not your ordinary apple. A caffeinated apple? It will certainly boost your day, that’s for sure.

Start-up biotechnology company Taxa thinks that British supermarkets will be stocking caffeinated apples in the near future.

Bursting with caffeine goodness.
Bursting with caffeine goodness.

Does anyone have any ideas on what the thing will taste like? I know caffeine doesn’t really have a flavour, but wouldn’t it be weird to get your coffee alternative from an uber GM fruit?

I wouldn’t say this up and coming technology is pointless, but it is rather bizarre.

What would the names be? The Buzzing Gala? The Energetic Granny?

What if you got addicted to these apples? What if you got so addicted that you’d eat every part of the super fruit, including the poisonous pips? Mind you, you’d have to eat about sixty apples with seeds included to get the lethal dosage of cyanide, but what if you did? You would die, that’s what!

To be honest, I am warming up to the idea of a new, healthier way to get my caffeine fix. I am not a hot beverage kind of gal, so my only option for a pick-me-up is energy drinks, which is no help to anyone. Consuming the sugar and chemicals and the downright disgusting ingredients (bull semen) on a regular basis would not do me any good at all.

I think this bizarre innovation will do pretty well, if all goes according to plan.

Bring on the Buzzing Granny.

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